Now That I've Returned
by BookWorm37
Summary: Add to the genre angst. This is a companion piece to 'Smart Fools' but can be read alone. Read at you're own risk! Rating set for a few words and implied scenarios. Stanza breaks now in!


A/N: This can be read as a companion poem to 'Smart Fools' but I only realized half way through writing it that it was about Sam and Jack, their kids and Kerry. Read at your own risk.

* * *

I look at your face and see all the pain I've caused

The sleepless nights that have plagued you

Appear in dark circles underneath your eyes

Deep lines are etches around your mouth

Reminding others how hard your life has been

The crow's feet are fading in a melancholy tale

Of how there was once something to laugh about

That no longer is there

* * *

I gaze into the depths of your eyes and see all the pain melt away

I see you try and hide behind a façade of stone

But that stone will always give way

After just one look, one caress, one word

All of your barriers break down and I see the real you

The you formed by long hours and hard battles

The you made from wars that you should not have been made to fight

The you that was created, when I went my own way

* * *

Your eyes are the gateway into your soul

I've always been able to read them and now is no different

In their rich, brown depths I see love and anguish, joy and despair

All the hurt I've caused you through the years

Is reflected in their chocolate orbs

The love we've shared is in there as well

But it's location is harder to find

Because it's buried beneath the much greater pain

* * *

Is it really easier to stay angry with a person?

Can you truly tell me that forgiveness isn't better?

When I saw her on your arm, I knew

I knew I'd never be able to forgive you that little piece of happiness

While I sat here, tormented it a hell that I built for myself

Did you ever try and find me?

Did you ever try to make things right between you and I?

No, you just let me go and walked your own way to your bloody little whore

* * *

Now that I'm standing here, looking into your face

I can see a few more scars that weren't there when I left you

Did my absence cause them?

Are they a few more sins piled up against me in the Book of Judgment?

What's a few more sins against me, anyway?

I've committed so many already as it is

But none to hurt you – most to protect you

Can you understand why I went away, even when I knew it was sin?

* * *

The love for you I know is reflected in my own eyes

Is not reflected in yours

This hurts my soul more than a knife

Twisting and tearing out my heart

That is what you've done, you see

You've torn out my heart with your hands

By making love to that pretty little whore still hanging on your arm

And not even saying a kind word to me

* * *

Your children look so much like you

They are why I left in such a rush

But you know that, don't you?

I can see in your face that you do

Your eyes could never lie to me

Just like when we were basking in the aftermath of love

You told me it meant nothing

But your eyes said it meant everything

* * *

The whore is still there and I take a moment to study her face

It has the signs of too much makeup embedded into the pores

There's not a scar on there that's visible to the eye

But the scars are there, it just takes an expert to notice them

There's a scar by her eye, that tells of when she tried to cut it out

And the one on her chin from when she slipped and fell

But the scars are of little importance to her

To you and me they tell a story, but to her they just mar her face

* * *

On my face, I bear one scar with shame

It marks the greatest sin I've ever committed

A red, jagged scar running from my hairline to my jaw

Tells of when I left you and found him

He is the dirtiest creature imaginable

He put his mark on me to make me undesirable for others

When I tried to get away he just made it longer

Can you still feel desire when you glance at my marred face?

* * *

Your face still looks soft to the touch

But I only know from touching it that once

Your eyes still hold knowledge unknown to most you meet

And you still play that dumb act when you know more then all around you

Why does your face torment me so?

Why doesn't _hers_ torment my nights?

It makes little sense that your face haunts my dreams

Yet I can't find it within my heart to hate your new lover

* * *

In your eyes, you know that I could never hate her

But my loathing for you runs deep with every second that passes

With her attached to your arm like a doll

They say the line between love and hate is thin

I say it's nonexistent with the right man

I used to be that doll hanging on your arm

But no sooner am I gone a few days

And I'm replaced like the filter in a heater

* * *

Did you ever really love me?

Do you love me still?

Did I ever really love you?

Yes, because it would be impossible for me to hate you such

If at one time I did not love you with equal ferocity

The answer to you loving me is hidden in your face

In the crow's feet that formed when I made you smile

But are fading now that I'm no longer there to make you laugh

* * *

Your face holds many secrets

Many stories, many mysteries

Perhaps one day I'll discover them all

One thing is known for sure

As I gaze into your eyes' wondrous depths

Now that my sin is beginning to be rectified

Now that the past is able to stay in the past

I realize I still love you, now that I've returned

* * *

A/N: Review please! 


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